![]() ![]() That superstitious mumbo-jumbo is so Middle Ages, an outdated relic soon to be replaced by modern data-mining and HAARP technology,” he said. “My father has been operating winter the same way he has since the Ice Age: arriving in a predictable fashion, manifesting in the archaic form of an old man blowing cold winds. Biff also plans to modernize the functioning of winter through technology and software innovations. “There are still some economic hurdles and barriers to market entry into the summer business sector, but these will be addressed in time,” he added.īiff went on to subtly accuse summer of improper business practices and collusion with the global warming industry. "Yeah, that's right! I did that," Biff acknowledged. “Clearly, there is no identifiable leadership in the top ranks of these seasonal allocations, therefore, some of their time can be better managed by my organization,” said Biff, sending a chill through the Press Corps. By creating a general climate of seasonal business chaos, Biff Winter proposes taking advantage of the fact that these seasons have no established personifications associated with them. Besides, who says winter HAS to start or end on any particular day?”īiff Winter also presented a five-year plan that includes the hostile take-over of both Fall and Spring, a few weeks at a time. ![]() The image of an old man blowing cold winds is not the kind of archetype that appeals to 21st-century demographics. “The next thing I plan to focus on is re-branding the entire winter season. "And I haven't forgotten about you over there, Europe." “Obviously, my new business model is a lot more efficient than the previous one,” Biff noted sarcastically, after being asked about the recent arctic blast. “Make no mistake, I don’t plan on running winter the same way my Old Man did,” Biff remarked, after slamming the continental United States with ice and frigid temperatures as far south as Texas, weeks ahead of the scheduled arrival of winter. Biff Winter called a news conference early this morning to confirm that he, indeed, has the reins of all daily operations.Īnd he intends to manage the season in his own style. Citing health issues, Old Man Winter made the announcement in late October, and his overly-ambitious son wasted no time establishing complete control over the frigid manifestation.Īfter first declaring himself president and CEO of Winter, Inc. ![]()
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